Category Archives: Culture

Hating Sansa Stark (and Not for Her Femininity)

Sansa Stark fan art by EnjoyTheBlood with the overlaid text "In the [stet] real life, the monsters win"
Sansa Stark by EnjoyTheBlood
SPOILERS WARNING: This post assumes you’ve seen the first season of Game of Thrones or read the first book in A Song of Ice and Fire. There are spoilers for the latest episode, S05E03, “High Sparrow” but they are clearly marked in the post.

I Can Be a Feminist…and Still Dislike Sansa Stark

My beloved Bitch magazine is the latest in a series of articles claiming that the widespread dislike of Game of Thrones’ Sansa Stark is due to misogyny. The argument goes like this:

 Make no mistake, Sansa Stark is one tough cookie. Sansa isn’t, however, a typical “strong female character” like her sister Arya. Her strength and power lie in her mind and in her ability to assess, adapt to, and manipulate situations by means other than brute force—something that’s rare on Game of Thrones. In show’s assortment of extremely powerful women, Sansa may fade to the background. But that’s actually part of her goal as a character, because she thrives by sticking to the shadows rather than attracting attention to herself.

The actress playing Stark claims Stark has figured out how to “weaponize femininity, how to turn what looks to casual viewers like a disadvantage into an asset.” Another article asserts:

It annoys me that people only like the feminine characters when they act like male characters. And they always go on about feminism. Like, you’re rooting for the people who look like boys, who act like boys, who fight like boys. Root for the girls who wear dresses and are intellectually very strong.

I too want traditionally feminine characters who manipulate their situation without brute force. But the problem is that Sansa Stark is not meant to be a powerful, feminine woman. She is written to be weak. On purpose. She is forthright when she should be withholding, emotional when she should be strategic. Always reacting rather than planning, always the victim, being batted from one danger to the next.

Sansa Stark by Sari Sariola
Sansa Stark by Sari Sariola

In fact, the entire clusterfuck of terrible events that happens in season one could all have been prevented if Sansa Stark hadn’t been so foolish to trust the queen mother with things she shouldn’t have said (I’m being vague here for the sake of spoilers). This intel gives the queen the chance to betray Sansa’s father, an event which sets in motion all the terrible things that befall Sansa and her family. Moreover, it’s not as though Sansa took a calculated risk that went awry. She naively thought the queen was her friend. Naivety, not inner strength, seems to be her primary character trait.

I feel like these feminists want to believe that George R.R. Martin has set Stark up as a “strong woman of intelligence” because they want to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he intended to have such a character. They want to believe that Martin means well. But they aren’t giving him enough credit. If Martin wanted to write a character who is “quietly wearing pretty dresses and pushing teacakes around on her plate as she maintains a façade, refusing to break character and betray herself” (as the Bitch article so nicely puts it) he would, and there would be no bickering about who she is and what she stands for. It would be clear. I know that, because he already wrote a character to fill that role, and it isn’t Sansa Stark.

(And no, it isn’t the mother of dragons either, though I think one could make a convincing argument that Daenerys Targaryen’s strength comes not from her army but from her strategy.)

The Strong, Clever, Feminine Heroine of Game of Thrones

Margaery and Sansa by MiliaTimmain
Margaery and Sansa by MiliaTimmain

If you want proof, then you need look no further than Margaery Tyrell. Margaery is easily a foil for Sansa, in that both of them have been engaged to the king, and both are living in the same lion’s den. But they handle this situation very differently.

Let’s compare. Sansa Stark had a schoolgirl crush on on the prince, Margaery recognized right away that he was a dangerous psychopath. Sansa Stark’s reaction to figuring this out was to plot her escape (an act that she was too timid to plan herself) while Margaery played on the prince’s sadism to get closer to his shiny, coveted crown. Sansa wants to be a Disney princess; she thinks nothing of politics beyond her own survival. Margaery went out among the people and heard their grievances, and was so bold as to challenge the queen about representing their interests. Sansa fails to recognize her natural ally in the imp, and is way too trusting of Little Finger. If their roles were reversed, there is little doubt that Margaery would have found countless way to exploit a marriage to Tyrion Lannister.

Margaery as a queen playing card
Margaery as a queen playing card
Sansa Stark illustrated as a playing card by Simona Bonafini
credit: Simona Bonafini

 

 

 

 

 

Sure, Sansa lies about her allegiance  to stay alive, but this doesn’t make her clever. It’s always tentative and tinged with fear. In contrast, Margaery lies to get what she wants. There are grey areas here: it’s partly due to Sansa’s disclosure that Margaery knew of prince Joffrey’s depravity. But the actions of Margaery show clearly how Sansa is meant to be perceived. Margaery is intended to be the feminine beguiler these other feminists long for while Sansa is intended to be read as weak and naive. Martin demonstrates this not only in their actions, but in the consequences to their actions.

For example, in the latest episode Sansa is again forced to lie **SPOILERS S05E03** when she is offered as a marriage candidate to the psychopaths who brutally murdered her people. Sophie Turner plays this perfectly, showing Sansa’s lies to be believable, while all the time you know she’s doing all she can not to scream bloody murder. Meanwhile, Margaery lies in this episode too. She speaks to the young king about his mother with words of flattery, her intended message buried so far down that when the king questions his mother, he doesn’t even recognize it as her idea. Then when the queen confronts Margaery, her false worship of the queen is laid on so thick the queen is left with no rational way to suggest Margaery may be at fault. Margaery is a gifted deceiver, she does it naturally and well and in the end it gets her what she wants, all the way to the crown. **END SPOILERS**

When Margaery’s ploys succeed, the author is showing us how clever and sly she is. All of her scheming is disguised as someone else’s idea. She plays the innocent, but is constantly advancing her position. She is smart enough to recognize that the queen is her biggest adversary, and daring enough to to look for opportunities to push the queen aside.

In contrast, Sansa Stark is where she is because she has little sense of who she can and should trust. The current scheme she is thrust into was not her idea at all, but Little Finger’s. Imagine if Margaery had the chance Sansa has, SAME SPOILERS AGAIN to regain her castle and avenge her people? I have no doubt not only would she be eager to wed the psychotic Ramsey Bolton but, critically, it would have been her idea. But because this is Sansa, and Ramsey Bolton is just about the worst character in a world of deplorable characters, we get the sense that the Little Bird is again being led into a terrible trap.  END SPOILERS Sansa is still too naive to have schemes of her own.

Hating Sansa Stark, Just Like I’m Supposed To

detailed fan art of Sansa Stark by Bubug
Bubug has more beautiful illustrations of Sansa and the Hound

While  I don’t like Sansa Stark, I’m not with the unsophisticated reader who would have her shunted from the books, dying suddenly so we can get back to the other characters. I don’t see Sansa’s weakness as a failing of the author. Sure, in a world where most of the other characters are marked by their brilliance, honor, or strength, it’s easy to hate Sansa Stark, who is none of these things.

But we must remember that Sansa is barely more than a girl, and a royal at that, who has lived a sheltered life. Martin needs at least one character like that in the series to show us: this is what happens to naive girls (or boys) in a brutal world. If he killed her off, we’d not get to see how the slings and arrows of fate will turn Sansa into more than a survivor, but a leader.

Much of the world of Game of Thrones centers on this process. We watch young Arya turn from a little girl into a trained killer. We watch Daenerys Targaeryan learn to rule nations. These are plots that have developed not over chapters but over thousands of pages.

Those who would argue that Sansa is strong overlook that her weakness is a deliberate decision the author has made to show us that she is not ready to lead. That’s good writing. That’s character development. In the end, she won’t be another Margaery. Margaery has always been conniving. Her family raised her to be shrewd and careful. Every scene shows that is who she is; that is where she comes form. It makes her wicked, but likeable.

But Sansa is a Stark. She was raised to be honorable. Truth and justice were the values of her parents. She was taught that survival means looking out for your people (after all, winter is coming!) and there will be suffering in any case (did you hear about winter?). She was not taught to be shrewd, and this has led to the ample poor decisions that make her unlikeable. The choices she has made to stay alive go against all that the Starks hold dear.  How will she become a worthy daughter to the unimpeachable values of her parents, while navigating a world where such honor will get you killed?

In the game of thrones, “you win or you die” so Sansa must sharpen up, or meet her father’s fate. Watching her story is like watching a pawn advance across a chess board. Martin has written her as a pawn, and rightly so, as her weakness makes the brutality of the knights and queens clashing around her more fearsome to behold. That little pawn keeps moving forward, and it is excruciating to watch unfold. But everyone knows what happens to a pawn that makes it across the board. That is what Sansa’s character is about: not who she is, but the powerful lady Stark she will become.

Holi Hindu Festival of Colors at UC Berkeley

Two people touch hands at UC Berkeley's Holi festAs Spring festivals go, Holi is among the most fun. Forget about the Maypole, during the Indian Holi festival people douse each other with bright colors. It usually takes place during March, but UC Berkeley’s Indian Student Association has their Holi celebration in April.

at Holi festival a girl dumps color into another girl's hair.The UC Berkeley Holi festival is a dance party. The DJ mixed house hits with Indian pop music.

The event is free, and you can buy color from the Indian Student Association ahead  time, or day of, until they run out. Ten packets (500 grams altogether) is sufficient but you could use twice as much so it really depends. Try to hold your colors until you make eye contact with someone. Though it can be tempting to merrily toss color into the air when the bass drops or even to toss a little color on someone’s back if their shirt is looking a little too naked of the stuff in your hand. More than once I gave in to this temptation.

Preparing for Holi

The crowd at UC Berkeley's Holi festivalThe colored powder is not paint. Some reports say it is made of corn starch, others say rice flour. In any case it comes right off in the wash, or even with a light sweep or pat of the hand. When shopping for colors make sure to get one that is non-toxic and all natural. Trust, you will get it in your mouth or up your nose at some point!

Woman dancing at UC Berkeley Holi festWhen dressing for Holi try to wear all white, so the colors will stand out on your clothes. In a sea of color splatters, the white spots on clothes stand out, begging to be marked.

There are only a handful of parking spots;  most of the students walked from campus.

Some people bring squirt guns and water balloons. At UC Berkeley’s Holi most of the water play was in one area, so you could avoid it if you don’t like that aspect.

 History of Holi

crowd dancing at UC Berkley Holi festivalHoli Festival goes back to at least the fourth century. The word “Holi” hails from the demon Holika.  The myth goes that Holika pulled a loyal Hindu into a bonfire while wearing her magic, fire-resistant coat. But Vishu saw and magically switched the coat to the loyal fellow, causing Holika to perish instead. Thus the Holi festival is a celebration of good defeating evil, similar to many other Springtime traditions that celebrate survival of winter.

Because of this Holi festivals often have a bonfire. Some say that the tradition of throwing colors comes from putting ash on the face in remembrance of the defeat of Holika.

Holi is the celebration of amnesty and renewal. Old debts are forgiven, others are paid. It is a day of cleansing oneself of regret and staring anew. In this way, though the calendar doesn’t change, it is similar to the American tradition of New Years’ Eve, but a lot more colorful.

A stranger and I toss color onto another stranger at Holi
A stranger and I toss color onto another stranger.

Check out Holi next April and join in the camaraderie. It’s a great way to talk to strangers. You are supposed to throw color on everyone, stranger and friend alike. This is the best part of Holi: walking up to someone you don’t know and having a brightly-colored laugh together.

Diwali Lights in Bollywood 2014 (Bandra, Mumbai, India)

I’ve always wanted to go to India, and here I am in Mumbai. Life is good. There’s a holiday here called Diwali, known as the Festival of Lights. Imagine it as the Hindu version of Christmas: shopping, lights, and family dinners. But instead of Santa Clause stories are about Vishnu and his wife Lakshmi; instead of Jesus offerings are to Ganesh.

I’m staying in Bandra, Pali Hill which is where many of the Bollywood stars live. We took a walk around the neighborhood. Here are some of the lights we saw.

Decompression San Francisco 2014

Decompression is a street festival celebrating the return of Burning Man participants.  It’s a way for those who’ve returned from the Playa to get one last whiff of that Burning Man magic while giving tourists a chance to see some of the art, mutant vehicles and outfits still freshly covered in dust.

I’ve attended Decompression for years now, but it was my first time going after my freshman year as a burner. I found myself seeking people who’ve been there, not because I wanted to be exclusionary. I’d arrived several hours before my friends, which meant approaching strangers. It was easier to approach burners because I knew they would be likely to practice the principle of radical inclusion. I met some beautiful people in any case.

Below are some of my favorites moments.

The San Francisco Mission Brass Band

I’ve seen these guys around San Francisco and they always get people dancing. When they began playing in the park, I followed them. It reminded me of a miniature version of the way burners will follow the best DJed art cars around the playa, circling them and creating an impromptu dancefloor.

 Beautiful Burners

Some of the many beautiful people showing off their radical self-expression at Decompression. You may think of these as costumes, but I prefer to think of them as outfits. One of the principles is radical self-expression, so we are encouraged to wear clothes that stand out, rather than fit in. They only way to truly fit in at a burner event is to dress in a way that’s not quite like anyone else.

 Black Rock Roller Disco

One of many things I wanted to try out at Burning Man (but didn’t find the time) is the Black Rock Roller Disco. I was so happy they were at Decompression. There were some amazing skaters there, doing coordinated dances. After I got on the skates myself and realized how uneven the asphalt is, I was doubly impressed.

My Future Best Friends Will Be Good Dancers

I saw these dancers and they were so good that watching them made me want to dance too. So I told them and they welcomed me into their circle until my camp arrived. They were the members of Future Best Friends Camp. They gave me a necklace and made me promise to give it to my BFF. It was nice to see a camp still giving playa gifts (I brought fingerlights to give away). When I make it back to the playa, I will be sure to visit their camp. Who knows? Maybe a future best friend is there.

Art and Other Ephemera at Decompression

At every Burning Man event, there will be art that lights up and museum-worthy mutant vehicles playing music.

Hope to see you there next year!

Yoga Is Primal

 

Transformational yoga instructor Christine Wushke
Transformational yoga instructor Christine Wushke

I have a hedonist friend who would rather die early from a sustained binge of wine, women and bacon than to devote a second of his resignedly short life eating vegetables and lifting weights.He smirks in condescension when I praise yoga. He thinks it’s a bunch of superstitious mumbo jumbo andworse yetexercise.

It may be those things.

But it also feels effing fantastic.

Sure it may be a “practice” and a “discipline” but yoga is the discipline of getting in touch with your primal self. In yoga you are trying to find that part of yourself that is more animal than human, the part of you that is wild and naked and doesn’t give a damn, but it goes even deeper than “animalistic” in the primitive sense. The cat does not know she is a cat on a human’s rug. She doesn’t know that the sunbeam she leans into comes from a giant ball of fire a billion miles away. She knows this: Mmmm. Stretching good.

That’s the goal in yoga. To forget your woes, forget your chores, forget your name. Think only of how to perfect the stretch, nothing else. And as you do, the stretch rewards you immediately by loosening and relaxing your body. The “rigorous discipline” of yoga includes commands like: straighten your back a little higher, relax your shoulders, let your weight pull your forward. You go where your body needs to go, following the pace of your breath.

girl doing yoga at Burning Man
Woman doing yoga at deep playa DJ set. And why not? Sun salutations go well with the sunrise.

It is such a stupidly simple task that our human brains could never master it like a cat could. We insist on thinking of the bills or the knitting or who farted. It is shocking how difficult it is for a human to simply lean into the stretch and think of nothing but that moment and the lovely physical sensation happening in the body. How sad and ridiculous that I should get so excited when I’m doing it well: Will ya’ look at that? I’m breathing and balancing on one foot at the same time…and thinking of nothing else! Wait, thinking about thinking of something else is thinking about…shit.

The odd mingling of “highly challenging” and “relaxed leisure” has the same effect as a mind-numbing cell phone game: your brain is being challenged, but in a safe space, free from the perils of the other decisions you make throughout the day. It’s easy to get hooked on a combination of comfort and challenge. Of course though yoga has the same appeal as an addictive app, its affects are the opposite. The app may leave you frustrated and bottled up, and so tuned out of the world that you miss your train stop. While yoga makes you feel fit, relaxed, invigorated and alive.

Yet unlike your prescribed garden-variety vegetables (see what I did there?) or the workout routine that makes you regret consciousness, yoga is never a chore.   Yoga is gluttonous. Everything is slow; your very breath is savored.  But even as I admit yoga is a luxurious use of time, it feels so good that there has never been a time in my life when I regretted doing it.  It is the ultimate indulgenceeven the cat doesn’t devote an hour or more lying around and stretching.

What could be more hedonistic than that?

Next time you’re wacked out on wine, women, and whatever is your third vice of choice, fill your pleasuremonger cup to the brim by topping it off with this video.

The Burning Man Principle of Radical Inclusion: Take It to the Tourists

Caravansary 2014, photo of the man
The man doesn’t judge

This post was inspired in part by Radical Self-Reliance and Rich People at Burning Man by Rosie.

If Burning Man is a city, then those who spend the week following its ten principles are the Black Rock City citizens. Likewise, those who know nothing of the principles and come just to party the weekend the man burns are known as tourists. It’s easy to be irritated by the people leaving solo cups in the port-o-potties while burners are cleaning the playa of other peoples’ tiny sequins and bussing out all their own trash and recycling. After all, if there are too many tourists, Burning Man ceases to be a participatory event. It becomes little more than Coachella with nudity. My first run in with a tourist was obvious. It was just after the man burned Saturday night, when the tourists come in droves. I’d just met the fabulous, beautiful Dawn, whom I was looking forward to connecting with back in the Bay Area, when this guy offered us a beer. Let’s call him Bob. Bob was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, odd attire in a space set aside for radical self-expression. Continue reading The Burning Man Principle of Radical Inclusion: Take It to the Tourists

San Francisco Pride 2014 Photos

Photos from San Francisco Pride, Sunday. We started out at the Indie Oasis stage, because some of our favorite San Francisco DJs were working that stage: A Plus D of Bootie and the couple who DJ’s Fringe in the Haight. Unfortunately, they were blowing out the speakers in order to compete with the nonstop spectacle in every direction, so every song sounded terrible. After hanging out there for way too long, we found another stage that was thoroughly delightful. We danced through to the last song.

I like candid shots, so most of these aren’t posed. I also like to take photos of some of the people who aren’t getting as much attention as seven-foot drag queens in mirrorball leisure suits, etc. Which is to say, this collection of photos in no way captures the bounty of glitter, feathers, and gender-fucked awesome sauce that is the San Francisco Pride. Nor can my camera capture the perfect summer sunshine and cool Bay breezes or the camaraderie strangers found dancing together. It’s just a sample of the few of the things I enjoyed in our one little corner of the SF Pride festival.

Were you looking for more substantive social analysis of queerness in our times? Check out last year’s article on why I prefer the word “queer.”

Click on any photo to engage the slideshow and read the captions.

 

Jaw-Dropping Homophobia Still a Thing in South Carolina

South Carolina Mayor Prefers Drunk Drivers to Lesbians

My jaw dropped when I heard the recording of South Carolina mayor Earl Bullard’s reasoning for firing his lesbian sheriff…and replacing her with a guy convicted of drunk driving.

He was caught on tape saying, “”I would much rather have somebody who drank, and drank too much, taking care of my child than I had somebody whose lifestyle is questionable around children.” Bullard now smugly denies it.

This stuff still happens people.

 

Here’s a handy image quote I made so you can easily share this odious quote with all your fake Internet friends.

"I would much rather have sombeody who drank, and drank too much, taking care of my child than I had somebody whose lifestyle is questionable around children."
Tell us how you really feel, Ed

 

Basic Bitches, Hate Labels and an Amazing Kreayshawn Remix

image of Kreayshawn from her Tumblog
Not a Basic Bitch

I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts lately, among them Slate’s Double X Gabfest. In a recent podcast they discussed the concept of the “basic bitch.” Immediately I thought of Kreayshawn’s 2011 hit, “Gucci Gucci” which proclaims “Gucci Gucci Fendi Vendi Prada: basic bitches wear that shit so I don’t even bother.” At one point in the show one of the hosts declared she wanted a remix of that song, and I am here to supply. How can I resist when Party Ben’s remix is so damn good?

The hosts discussed basic bitches as compared to hipsters. They seem to me to be perfect binary opposites. Both groups are lashing out at the presumptions they expect from their counterpart. The basic bitch thinks the hipster is uppity for not following social conventions (I gave a perfect example of this in my first article on hipsters, sourced from Urban Dictionary’s hipster definition). While the hipster thinks the basic bitch is just the sort of girl who made fun of him/her in school for not wearing the right clothes or participating in sports.

If you’ll allow me to further digress, I was having a tangential conversation last night with a Puerto Rican woman I’d just met. We were drunkenly discussing Florida racial politics (a favorite pastime of mine) in particular the ongoing hatred between Cubans and Puerto Ricans.

She felt that Cubans were the ones keeping this going, always accusing Puerto Ricans of selling out, for not revolting against the Yankee oppressor. This parallax view fascinated me. As one raised amongst Cubans, the narrative was similar, but different. My upbringing taught me it was the Puerto Ricans who started it all, with their big flag necklaces and upper-middle-class pride. True, Cubans were proud of their revolutionary status, but the hatred was coming from the Puerto Ricans. They were the ones bragging about their status, thinking the Cubans were lesser, for both their poverty and their questionable legal status.

Now there’s a lot to this conversation, (and much of it that most people wouldn’t be willing to discuss or admit even sober), but the part that is germane here is that in both cases the prejudice towards the other group stemmed from some underlying insecurity. If that Puerto Rican in fifth grade hadn’t gone basic bitch on me for accidentally referring to her as Cuban, I’d not have had prejudices against Puerto Ricans and their pride flags. The prejudice was born out of my own insecurities. And if hipsters weren’t so frequently taunted and bullied as kids, maybe they wouldn’t be so eager to brag about their current elite taste in coffee, music and thrift shopping.

It’s so easy to see one side of that coin, from whatever side a person happens to identify with most closely. What is fascinating to me is that there’s insecurity coming from both sides. That the basic bitches and the Puerto Ricans were hating from a place of insecurity too. It reminds me that deep down there are no bad people, just terribly broken people in search of healing. And that all gets back to the opening of the Gabest episode, where they discuss the gender confidence gap. Nice when things come full circle, isn’t it (discuss!)?

I promise this remix is better than the one used in the closing credits of the Gabfest…though that one was satisfying too.

Kreayshawn – Gucci Gucci (Party Ben’s Bringing Back Fidget remix)

OK I really only meant to start this post as an excuse to share this Kreayshawn remix. This junk will really get you dancing. Seriously one of my favorite remixes of the decade, though Kreayshawn won’t inspire the Oakland hipsters like she used to. And for your patience during my rant, I’ll throw in this cover by suspected-hipster never-to-be-a-basic-bitch Neon Hitch. Neon Hitch drops the “basic bitch” from her version, take from that what you will.

Neon Hitch – Gucci Gucci (Kreayshawn Cover) (2:40)

If you like this cover, it’s in my Best Electro of 2011 list. There may be more there to your tastes.

PS, the women of the Double X Gabfest claimed Kreayshawn is now a “mommy blogger.” As a media professional well-acquainted with mommy bloggers, I’m going to challenge that. Having just visited her Tumblr, I’d say that Kreayshawn is not at all a mommy blogger, but simply a public figure how happens to be a mom and have a blog. A distinction a group of feminists should surely acknowledge!