I Blame Starbucks

After living in the Bay Area for more than half a year, I finally found something to complain about. Sure, California has mountains and sunsets on the ocean and a temperate climate but– BUT the coffee is terrible. It is Texas terrible, which is my way of saying it is not only bad but the people there think it is good which makes it so much worse. If you walk into a random San Francisco coffeehouse, the coffees of the day will be dark roast, dark roast and french roast. No sensible medium roasts or light roasts. No. They want… tell me more

Keeping Up With the Joneses

On a joyride through Oakland yesterday I saw my very first gated church. That is, I saw a huge church with a big electronic gate surrounding the exterior. I’m sure Jesus will make sure that all of those suffering and in need will be administered a gate pass. Shame on you, Oakland. And shame on Atlanta. As the rumor goes, one of the suburbs outside of that city is now the first to have a gated community… wait, no, could it be? a gated community within a gated community. So that the residents can protect themselves from those other uppidity,… tell me more

Berkeley Bumpers

Phew. I am wiping the sweat from my brow, as I have just completed the challenge of writing a novel in thirty days. It was (way fucking) harder than I thought, but I’m still finished a day early. After over-indulgently, redundantly, and discursively rambling on at length in a verbose way, it is time to turn my attention to that art form that is the heighth of *conciseness: the bumper sticker. I can’t have my East coast friends missing out on all of the stickers that haven’t ciruclated there way just yet. So here are some of my favorite Berkeley… tell me more

The recent dangers of flying rocks and CO2.

By far the most disturbing class I ever took in college was astronomy. The planetarium shows always featured either the theme, “Look how insignificant we are,” or ,”We could all die at any minute.” Our instructor told us about asteroids that hit our little planet all the time. We saw pictures. The conversation goes… “So if this had been a major city, millions would have died.” “Shouldn’t we be concerned?” “Oh, well, it’s unlikely.” “Yeah, but that one you have on the screen happened about two years ago.” “Yes, but it is most likely to hit the ocean, or an… tell me more

Contemplate This While I’m Breathing Your Exhaust

Now and then as I’m cycling along the streets of Atlanta, a motorist will honk at me. I can see only two reasons for this: 1. I look so fetching in that styrofoam helmet, you just couldn’t resist blaring your Danger! signal at my sexy abs. Thanks for sharing. 2 (and more likely). You don’t like that my slow-moving bicycle is taking up space on your precious asphalt. There are a few reasons that I might be riding in the road, other than the sadistic pleasure of pissing you off. Atlanta’s sidewalks are entirely unpredictable. They’re often cracked and broken,… tell me more