Monthly Archives: January 2008

My State Plans Lawsuit Against My Country

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My Republican friend says I should just calm down. People all over the world are working hard to stop global climate change. I wonder if he is looking at the same people I am. Scary thing is, he is.

For example, he is probably looking at the new energy bill as a big step forward. The Bush Administration has pledged to a 35-mph fleet-wide fuel economy average by 2020. So in twelve years we are setting a standard for fuel economy that is five miles per gallon higher than the Model A Ford introduced in 1927. Bravo! If you still think this is an accomplishment take a look at SAE International’s Supermileage studies. They run a contest every year to see who can engineer a vehicle with the highest gas mileage. The biggest loser in this competition produced a car that can get 198 miles per gallon. The car made by the 2007 winner could drive 1,541 miles on a single gallon of gas. Now even if we can argue that those cars are expiremental and don’t provide room for groceries or even a CD player, it is still enough to make us ponder the U.S.’s status as technological innovators of environmental stewardship.
To top it all off, the Bush administration is using these paltry standards as an excuse to deny California the right to cap its CO2 emissions. The California law requires new automakers to reduce greenhouse gas emissions from vehicle tailpipes by 30% by 2016.

In the past, the California standards have paved the way for other states to follow behind with stricter standards. But now the EPA is arguing that California was granted those waivers because their state had special circumstances and the U.S. needs to have a singular, federal standard (So much for the Republicans as the party promoting states’ rights). With global warming threatening to drop a world of hurt on the whole planet, the EPA says this hardly applies only to California. No matter that this was a bill passed in 2002, long before the national discussion of such standards. No matter that the EPA has historically granted fifty such waivers to California and never once denied them.

Stephen L. Johnson, the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, put it this way, “The Bush administration is moving forward with a clear national solution — not a confusing patchwork of state rules.” Or to put it totally the same way, David McCurdy, president of the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, said, “Enhancing energy security and improving fuel economy are priorities to all automakers, but a patchwork quilt of inconsistent and competing fuel economy programs at the state level would only have created confusion, inefficiency, and uncertainty for automakers and consumers.” What a remarkable coincidence that couldn’t possibly be explained by the EPA taking their cues from an oil lobbyist’s press release!

In fact, both journalists and politicians are making the claim that the energy lobby allowed the government to proceed on their new emissions standards in exchange for a denial of California’s claim.

According to the L.A. Times:

Mary Nichols, chairwoman of the state Air Resources Board, said the California standards, which are scheduled to begin to take effect in 2009, could be met by auto companies with existing technology. So far, she said, 12 states have chosen to adopt California’s standards, pending a waiver approval. Others are in the process of doing so. If all 50 states adopted California’s law, it would reduce the amount of carbon dioxide emissions by 1.4 gigatons, about twice what the federal standards would achieve by then, Nichols said.

So now Barbera Boxer, (D-Calif.), chairwoman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, has subpoenaed the EPA to provide a better reason and they have replied with a box full of censored paperwork. Apparently such top secret info cannot be entrusted to the U.S. Congress. Oh and Governor Schwarzenegger has made it very clear that California is suing the EPA. Who said politics is boring?

So, in summary, our government must get the permission of the auto/oil industry to pass even the most pitiful legislation. And to get such permission, they must stab another hole in the lifeboat on this sinking ship.

Progress indeed.

Another Excuse For SUV Drivers to be Arrogant

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Have you seen this commercial? A young girl asks her dad to drop her off on the corner; she doesn’t want her friends to see her parents car. Not because she is worried, as the old story goes, that her friends will know that she comes from poverty. No, all her friends’ parents are driving Hybrids and she doesn’t want them to see dad drive up in the SUV.

At first, this is heartening. Clearly this is an advertisement marketing hybrids to the middle class folks so invested in TV culture. And truthfully, this was how I felt when my grandfather wanted to drive me to my graduation in a monster-sized SUV.

The dad tells his daughter that, though may not look like it, the giant tractor they are riding in is a hybrid. The announcer proudly points out that this SUV gets 32 miles per gallon, the best gas mileage for any SUV.

Which is great because the soccer dads can continue doing their 150 mile-commute while feeling good about global warming by upgrading to a car that gets gas mileage approximately equivalent to a 1985 Honda Civic. Whoopdie-doo.

But then they ruin any joy I might get from the announcement of the inevitable energy guzzling hybrid. The daughter asks why he never told her before. His response: “Gee, it never occurred to me that I needed to.”

And this is not an offhand statement, it is the final line of the ad, the punchline if you will. What is the significance of this?

In a small sense, he is suggesting that daughters not be inquisitive, particularly about these matters that will drastically affect their lives after their parents are dead. More importantly, his snarky remark is tapping into (suggesting? chicken or egg?) some idea that hybrid cars and by association global warming and environmentalism are subjects not to be talked about.

Really? The ongoing debate about whether or not we should do something about worldwide global catastrophe has become a subject not discussed in polite social circles? The enlightened father in the commercial is somehow better than the mom’s and dad driving Priuses because they are the types who brag about all they are doing for the planet. When smart folks know that we are all slowly (very slowly) upgrading to hybrid SUVs so this whole ecological collapse isn’t really that big a deal. Just shut up about it already and buy a new car.

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My only New Year’s Resolution for this year is to Get Organized. Though it be singular, this is by far my most ambitious resolution to date. It turns out that the number of things that I would like to do in my life so numerous as to be overwhelming. I could never understand the complaint of those who couldn’t “figure out what to do with their lives” as if the list of possibilities were like a bad blind date: short, unattractive and boring. Life is full of fascinating things to learn and try and taste. Just sorting through these various desireables is an overwhelming task, prioritizing them is possibly impossible.

Or is it? Here’s a to-do list that may take a life time. Please forgive the navel gazing.

1. mail stuff off to literary magazines

Because this was my top resolution for last year, and the year before that and probably for as many years as there are reflections in facing mirrors, that is, it has been my resolution reflecting back into the distance for as long as I can remember, indeed, before I was born there was the hope in my mother that someday her unborn child would get around to mailing literary magazines and before that there were ancestors kicking back on Plymouth Rock hoping that someday literary magazines might exist and their progeny might have the good sense to contact them and those ancestors hark back to the ancient story of the woman who ate the apple from the Tree of Knowledge and so learned that (among other things) a child named Karma would grow into a great procrastinator and neglect to do her mailings. That being said, I did contact one magazine last year. So there.

2. write regularly, whether I have something to write about or not.

It is hard to call oneself a writer unless one writes and I yearn tap the literary gems that can only be tapped by sucking dry the well of creativity through churning out useless crap day after day, word after word. Let this blog be the victim of such musings.

3. learn xhtml/css

Because this would help me enormously both professionally and personally, it goes to the top of the list.

4. Continue to keep track of my spending/saving

I rocked this goal last year. Let’s see if I drop the ball in 2008.

5. Buy a house, or at least learn how people with enough money do so.

Having a landlord is stupid. And what better time to buy a little condo than when the market is falling to pieces? By the time I save up the necessary fifty grand and triple my salary and my credit rating, coveted San Francisco real estate will probably be underwater. But heck, if everyone else wants to deny global warming, why shouldn’t I?

6. Invest Last year my goal was to start saving money.

Because stinginess comes naturally to me, I have suceeded at this. For this year, I want to learn how to lose all that money by throwing it into this sinking ship we call the U.S. economy.

7. Put up my webpage Done!  And it is only February!  Okay, this site needs a lot of cleaning up: no pics, no links.  But its here!

8. Continue to research global warming

The amount of bad news in this department is really overwhelming. You really couldn’t keep up with it all without three hours a day and an ample supply of Prozac (I know, Prozac is so five minutes ago. Insert whatever Dr. Phil Happy Pills they are advertising now). My dream is to be the source for all that bad news. Unfortunately, I need the webpage first.

9. Get Dental Insurance

I am so lucky that these wisdom teeth are not impacted. And I am very fortunate to have been able to have two of my five cavities filled before the State of California figured out that I make too much money for their reduced fee dental program. Now if only I could be as Oh-so-lucky as the citizens of Cuba and get dental care before all my teeth fall out.

My current dental plan

10. record/memorize my poetry

I love those slouchy dudes on the subway jamming out to rap music they wrote themselves. If I could record my writing, I could be cool like those baggie-pantsed fellows and also fearlessly rock out at the Poetry Slams. Carrying a piece of paper up to the mic is the sure sign of an amateur.

11. Learn to fix my bike

I have fantasies of going to the bike co-op and making friends with cute Berkeley students with shaggy haircuts. They will teach me how to master my socket wrenches while inviting me to parties where your-next-favorite-band-that-you-haven’t-heard-of-yet will be performing in their basement. I do want to know how to take apart every bit of my bike but this bit of my list is the only one that will actually allow me to make Calif-friends and I could use some more of those.

12. rid my life of clutter and keep my apartment attractive

Always a day late and a dollar short on this one. I would like to have a living room that I could bring people into without excuses and explanations: “Maybe best to avoid the sofa; that paint splatter project went a little out of control. Oh, don’t sit by those piles of newspaper clippings, either. They are sorted by astrological consequence–it took quite some time. Why don’t you sit on that giant stack of Veggie Times my mother subcribes me too, next to the deceased parrot? We’ll get around to burying her one of these days…”

13. Create my own Tarot Card deck

Last year while neglecting all my other NY’s Resolutions instead I spent hours obsessing over the Tarot and started designing my own deck. Though I never would have thought I wanted to learn the Tarot much less design 72 intricately drawn symbols, my subconscious clearly has other plans because last year I spent the better part of my leisure time poring over Tarot forums and buying art supplies to do just that. Instead of feeling bad about this total abandonment of my goals, this year I am giving in to whatever hidden demon drives me by adding it to the list.

14. Draw/paint/sketch stuff

Though I am not as good at drawing as I am at writing it sure is fun. Last year I created a full-size drawing for a friend of a friend and now I have delusions of being the next Basquiat. But how will I sell my graffitti art to Andy Warhol if I don’t scribble it out first?

15. Engage in street theater with like-minded folks

This is a challenging goal because it involves making friends with hip, politically aware artistic types. Fortunately, with a good arm you could throw a bar of organic hand-made soap in any direction and hit several such people on any given street in Berkeley. While I could just post an ad on Craigslist, I feel that the dubious legality of anything involving free speech should only be done with pals I know I can trust rather than a shiftless, shirtless stoner that accidentally clicked on my link after getting bored with looking for their name in the “Missed Connections” column.

16. Learn to digital DJ

My desire to be a DJ is driven by the totalitarian assumption that I know what music you want to be listening to better than you do. Also, then I could sneak my poetry into my set.

17. finish a novel

Two years ago I wrote one. Now I just have finish it. And by finish it, I mean make it at least coherent enough that I can mail it off to FEMA and they can give me a clue and some funding on how to shape up this disaster.

18. knit my Xmas presents for next year

Ah yes. The resolution that seems terribly unimportant in January will have my fingers bleeding like a twelve-year old Indonesian factory worker when November comes around.

19. Read at least twelve fiction books (one a month)

Fiction is inspiring and invigorating. It always seems unimportant until I am caught up in it. Besides, there are too many good books in the world to read in a lifetime so I am already behind.

20. Write the party book

This is my super secret get rich slow scheme. That’s all I am at liberty to say.

21. stay hip on new music and mail mix tapes to absolutely everyone I know

Oh this is such an avoidable compulsion it has to be pushed to the bottom of the list so I remind myself how unimportant it actually is. And Elizabeth I am still waiting for your new address.

22. create my social network idea

I really want to do this! But I lack the technical ability. Last year I wasted about a month of leisure time trying to magically make this happen. So until I figure out the means, this has to go at the bottom of the list.

23. Learn to cook seasonally

It is winter, how do I cook an acorn squash? Something my ancestors put as priority numero uno (eat=survive) drops to the bottom of the list until grocery stores go away.

24. Sew more clothes

Gee I look cool when I sew my own clothes. But I also look pretty damned cool wearing last years hand-me-downs (my mom is way trendier than I anyway).

25. Learn to play piano

In the world of pipe dreams the belief that “you are never too old” to learn to play an instrument is the least convincing. Besides, I don’t actually have a piano. Last place it is.

Whether or not I actually accomplish any of these goals is not the point. The idea is to organize my time so that I am actually working towards the most important ones first and the less important ones, well, truthfully, probably not at all. Because if I rocked the first ten not even touching the other fifteen wouldn’t be regrettable, even if I am quite impressive when I play Fur Elise.